Sunday, 19 September 2010

Obituary: Ralph Winterton

At 11am on 15th September 2010 Ralph Winterton died of boredom after watching another news piece about the battle of Britain. Born in Toulouse to a French bramble picker he was forced into hiding during the war by his mother over concern about his dress sense. Nazi occupation was difficult for the Winterton's, money and food were in short supply but it was this austerity that formed Ralph into the man he bacame. When he left gyspy college at the age of eighteen he started a hospital for disaffected moths. Demand was high in the years which followed the war and he made a success of himself. There is a tribute to Ralph Winterton on a hill which overlooks the Auvergne valley for his work. When asked about his reasoning behind his career choice he would reply:

"What's a Butterfly without the Moth?"

This will be an epitaph on his gravestone.

In 2005 Ralph retired from humanity. Tired and weary he submitted his resignation to the United Nations and moved to an Island in the Atlantic where he lived in peace until his residence was raided and seized in a pessimism raid. He was convicted of spreading widespread dissatisfaction and melancholy over the internet. His last year was spent in a council flat in Tipperton.

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